Torn

I always feel so torn.

Not just between right and wrong, good and evil. But just between thing "one" and thing "other".

Example: I'm at work. I'd rather be home. I go home. I wish I was at work.
Or: I decide to run. I wish I was doing a work out video instead. Vice versa.

My choices don't seem to make me happy. Why? I think there is just a lack of peace in my life right now. I haven't been sleeping well, eating well, or generally living well. I feel kind of crazy...out of control.

Maybe I need structure...schedule...budget...plans...goals...I need to reach for something instead of just floating through life.

Uncle Update

I feel like I should post an update, since Marhta asked me too.

My uncle is doing good. He feels good, he is happy, he is living his life as if he didn't have brain cancer. It's uncanning. I think most people would get depressed when they found out such news as "You have the worst kind of cancer out there." But he's the opposite of depressed. Positvity just flows from him. I can assume one of two things: he's either in total denial or has total acceptance. I'm not sure which.

It's hard for me to feel anything but happy around him because he's so chiper. He started radiation last week, so he might get tired or sick soon. But as for now, aside from the scar on his head, you would never guess he was a man with fatal brain cancer.